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Dave Henderson's Cricketing Conundrums
28/3/01
Another Ashes series almost upon us, and I can't bloody wait. This one will NOT include me huddled up next to the heater watching Channel 9 at 4:00am, as I will be at the NSW Police Academy. We have a 6:00am parade every morning, so I will need all the sleep I can get. As sad as I am that I will only get to see the first session of each day, it does not really matter. You see, I already know what the result of the series will be. And so do you. Even the most patriotic Margaret Thatcher loving, IRA hating, Queen Mother (how old is she now, 400?) worshiping Englishman knows that Australia will win the series. And they will win it well. I can hear the whining even now: "this time it's different, we have won 4 series in a row, Goughy will tear you apart!". Lets look at some facts.
Australia IS the best Test side in the world. They have won 16 of their last 18 matches, and there is no shame at all in losing to India in India. We have the worlds best Captain and 2nd best batsman (that's MISTER Waugh to you English!), the world's best wicketkeeper, and who would dare say that Glen McGrath is not the world's most valuable cricketer ? Tugga is averaging in the 50's and all the other batsman are averaging in the high 40's. We have 7 genuine batsman, and how good is Brett Lee looking at #8 ??? We have the worlds strongest batting and bowling line-ups. what coach would not kill his own own mother to have Glen McGrath, Brett Lee, Jason Gillespie, Damien Fleming, Shane Warne, Stuart McGill and Funky Miller at his disposal ? Our team (except for the debate about S.K.Warne) is settled, and even if they do not pick Warnie we all know how devastating McGill can be.
As for the poms, who do they have ? OK Gough is talent, but somewhat overrated. If he was an Aussie he would not be playing Test Cricket consistently. Thorpe is quality, no argument there. Athers is older than I am (well OK only by 1 day). I reckon Trescothwick will be McGrath's bunny, you can just see him edging one to Mark Waugh at second slip. Hick will show us why he has been picked- and dropped- 8 times. What's wrong Graham, can't take a bloody hint ? Craig White is so much of a nobody that even his own mother does not recognise him. Croft is just a daft Welshman who could not spin a bottle, Caddick a FA-Cup lookalike NZ reject, Mullally bowls like I do, White bowls like Atherton and even the Poms do not like Nassar. As for the rest of them - well they have not exactly made themselves international names, have they ? I honestly think that if Scott Muller was English, he would be their best bowler.
New Zealand Rock group Split Enz once said "History Never Repeats". Well, like all Kiwis always are, they were wrong. History WILL repeat, and Australia shall retain the Ashes.